(#2) FILLING THE ATHLETE'S EMOTIONAL TANKLike gas tanks in cars, all of us have an Emotional Tank that fills and drains. An athlete with a low emotional tank is irritable, pessimistic, and unable to deal well with adversity. On the other hand, an athlete whose tank is filled is cheerful, optimistic, and better able to deal with adversity. The bottom line is that players with empty tanks are less coachable, while those with full tanks are more coachable.
As coaches and parents, there will be times when we need to correct and criticize. Research has shown that a "Plus/Minus Ratio" (praise to criticism) of 5:1 or better is ideal for children's learning. When the ratio of praise to criticism drops much below 5:1, children become discouraged (their tanks become drained!).
Here's how you can help as a parent and coach:
1) Fill your child's Emotional Tank. Encourage them regardless of what happens in the game. Try not to give them a lot of advice (which after a tough game can seem like criticism, which drains a person's tank). Remember, it's difficult to do well with a low tank. When they make a mistake, you might say something like "Don't worry. It's okay. Let's get the next one. You can do it." After tough losses, it's often helpful to acknowledge your child's feeling of disappointment. For example, saying "I can imagine you must be disappointed to have lost." might help them recognize your sincerity.
2) To give advice your child can hear, try using the "3-Pluses-and-a-Wish" technique. Before you give advice, find three things about your child's performance that you appreciated. Phrase the advice as a wish: "You really tried hard in the game today (Plus #1). I also saw you filling your teammate's emotional tank after he made a mistake (Plus #2). And that play you made towards the end of the game shows how much you are improving (Plus #3). One thing I wish is that you wouldn't get down on yourself when you make a mistake." If you can't come up with three pluses, don't say the wish because then it may drain your child's emotional tank rather than fill it.
3) Remember the Golden Ratio. Try to praise your child about 5 times for every time you criticize. If you do, your child will be better able to hear your criticism without becoming defensive.
For more information about the Positive Coaching Alliance, you can visit the PCA web site at www.positivecoach.org, call 650-725-0024, send e-mail to pca@positivecoach.org, or write Positive Coaching Alliance, Dept. of Athletics, Stanford University, Stanford, CA 94305-6150.
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